Sarcasm FTW

because pretty frocks make everything more fun! via

Warning: The following contains scenes of intense sarcasm. Reader discretion is advised.

1. I would like to know who is responsible for these advertisements so we can be friends. (Only partially sarcastic here, just warming up :p )
2. Pet peeve as of late: when you are ready for bed but you know there is literally one mosquito in your room that is going to be attracted to your CO2 output and bite your face while you're sleeping. Neurotic? yes. Still a genuine problem? most definitely. 
3. Dear facebook: No, I do not "like" Skrillex, I am not pregnant, and I don't want to "reconnect" with someone I don't know in real life. Thanks anyways? 
4. I was legitimately hit, knocked over and slightly bruised maimed by a cyclist while crossing the street the other day. I am sorry if anyone finds this offensive but I HATE CYCLISTS. I am not even being rash as this whole cyclists-trying-to-run-the-road thing has been a longstanding irritation of mine. So whatever you do, put down the bikes douchebags! Maybe you can take up rollerblading, rocketpack-ing, or hot air balloon-ing instead and leave my innocent crossing the street self out of the whole situation! 
5. (Text convo) me: Call me today  // little sis: seven six five four three two one //  me: whatt? // little sis: Oh sorry. I was just typing when my phone sent whatever I was typing. Apparently typing sequential numbers on your cell to make it look like you're hard at work on something is the new thing!